Other Resources

1. Grief

3. Parts Language & Supporting Younger Self

5. Gottman Literature

2. Attachment

4. Anxiety Canada

6. Self-Help Website

Grief and loss cause complicated emotions and can be compounding! The Grief Recovery Handbook is a helpful resource for grief education and knowing how to address our “incomplete grief”.


6 Myths about Grief (reinforced by society but not actually helpful)

• Don’t Feel Bad (...or mad... or sad)

• Replace the Loss

• Grieve Alone

• Grief Just Takes Time [or Time Heals All Wounds]

• Be Strong & Be Strong for Others

• Keep Busy


- The Grief Recovery Handbook by James & Friedman



^Remember, click on purple text for links to resources/websites/books

6 Needs of Mourning by Alan D. Wolfelt, Ph.D. – The Journey Through Grief

  1. Acknowledge the reality of the death
  2. Embrace the pain of the loss
  3. Remember the person who died
  4. Develop a new self-identity
  5. Search for meaning
  6. Receive ongoing support from others


For more information on grief check out the modules on the following site:

mygrief.ca


More information about how to talk to our kids about grief/loss:

kidsgrief.ca

Early childhood experiences heavily influence our relationships with others later in life. These patterns of relating are often called “attachment styles” but they are not set in stone!

Author of Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before?, Dr. Julie describes 4 attachment styles:

1) Anxious attachment - “need for frequent reassurance that you are loved/the other person is not about to abandon you”... “can show up in people pleasing behaviours” or “focus on meeting the needs of the partner to the detriment of one’s own needs”.

2) Avoidant attachment - “can appear almost oppopsite to anxious attachment. Closeness and intimacy can feel threatening and unsafe, despite still having that need for connection”.


3) Secure Attachment - parenting was “reliable enough to generate [a] secure base... and the child is able to learn over time that what [they] feel can be communicated and responded to.”

4) Disorganized attachment - “If parents are unable to provide care and emotional support that is reliable and consistent, or if that relationship is abusive”... “Later on, in adulthood, this attachment style might show up as difficulties in dealing with emotion and vulnerability towards dissociation in response to stress, intense fear of abadonment and difficulties in relationships”


Dr. Julie also talks about several things that make relationships flourish: self-awareness, emotional responsiveness, repairs, turning towards gratitude, shared meaning and values, etc.

PARTS LANGUAGE

No Bad Parts (click on underlined text) by Richard Schwartz (founded Internal Family Systems therapy) provides some valuable insight into parts language and how each of us has multiple parts within us (sometimes like a dysfunctional family... sometimes collaborative) - not that we all have multiple personality disorder (Dissociative Identity Disorder). But we all have protector parts that are doing their best to keep us safe. We also have our true “self” who is the “wise, compassionate essence of goodness that is the source of healing and harmony”.


It can be valuable to not think in all-or-nothing terms: Part of me feels this way, and another part feels this way. We can also have conversations with these parts in an attempt to integrate them instead of having those parts feel burdensome.

This can feel like a weird way of looking at things.


But there are often parts of us that have been hurt in the past and try desparately (sometimes ineffectively) to keep us safe.


At their core everyone has a true self that possesses the following traits: “curiosity, clarity, creativity, calm, confidence, courage, and connectedness.”

There is an exercise called Giving Support to the Younger You (Harris, 2020). I recommend working with a therapist on this one and first having worked on skills in grounding and opening up to difficult thoughts/feelings.

Anxiety Canada

6 Units/Modules for Adults:

1) Starting the Journey: Understanding Anxiety

2) Calming Strategies: Learning to Chill

3) Helpful Thinking: Talking Back to Anxiety

4) Facing Fears: Exposure

5) Continuing the Journey: Staying on Track

6) Special Topics

Click here for similar course for children and youth

7 Principles to Making Marriage Work

by John Gottman


1. Share Love Maps- where all the information learned about our partners gets stored (e.g., each other’s likes/dislikes)

2. Nurture Your Fondness & Admiration / Friendship

3.Turn Towards Each Other Instead of Away - Make the time


4. Let Your Partner Influence You


5. Solve Your Solvable Problems- this includes using skills to solve problems: using Softened Startup, Repair and De-escalation, Physiological Self-Soothing, Accepting What You Cannot Change, Accepting Influence, and Compromise.


6. Overcome Gridlock - Overcome problems instead of problem solving.

7. Create Shared Meaning - Rituals and symbols

8 Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love by John Gottman


  1. Trust and Commitment (Are both people willing to show up for each other?)
  2. Conflict (How does each party manage conflict?)
  3. Sex and Intimacy (Rituals of connection)
  4. Work and Money (What does money mean to each person?)
  5. Family (Marriage satisfaction typically drops after children, what can preparation look like?)
  6. Fun and Adventure (Play and adventure)
  7. Growth and Spirituality (Accommodate changes and transform together)
  8. Dreams (Honor each other’s dreams)